17 WOMEN’S VIRTUES AND VICES Pre-Han philosophers directed little of their writing to women, even women of
the nobility. In the Han, however, the eminent scholar and bibliographer Liu Xiang (79-8 B.C.) wrote the Biographies of Heroic Women, a collection of accounts of the gallant deeds and unselfish behavior of 125 women of antiquity. Many of these women epitomized a single virtue—for instance, loyalty to the ruler, self-sacrifice to help husband or father, or preservation of chastity under duress. As seen in the selection from this book given below, however, the mother of Mencius had several virtues. It is followed here by two of the seven sections of the Admonitions for Women, an equally famous Han text on women’s virtues. It was written by Ban Zhao (ca. 45-116), sister of the famous historian Ban Gu (32-92), as a guide to the cultivation of virtues appropriate to women, such as humility, resignation, subservience, self-abasement, obedience, cleanliness, and industry. The selections from these two texts show what people admired in women, but not what women were like. To complement them, a description of a real but far-from-ideal woman is also included here. It is from a letter written by the woman’s husband, Feng Yan, to her younger brother explaining his reasons for divorcing her.
THE MOTHER OF MENCIUS
The mother of Mencius lived in Zou in a house near a cemetery. When Mencius was a little boy he liked to play burial rituals in the cemetery, happily building tombs and grave mounds. His mother said to herself, “This is no place to bring up my son.” She moved near the marketplace in town. Mencius then played merchant games of buying and selling. His mother again said, “This is no place to bring up my son.” So once again she moved, this time next to a school house. Mencius then played games of ancestor sacrifices and practiced the common courtesies between students and teachers. His mother said, “At last, this is the right place for my son!” There they remained. When Mencius grew up he studied the six arts of propriety, music, archery, charioteering, writing, and mathematics. Later he became a famous Confucian
scholar. Superior men commented that Mencius’s mother knew the right influences for her sons. The Book of Songs says, “That admirable lady, what will she do for them!” When Mencius was young, he came home from school one day and found his mother was weaving at the loom. She asked him, “Is school out already?” He replied, “I left because I felt like it.” His mother took her knife and cut the finished cloth on her loom. Mencius was startled and asked why. She replied, “Your neglecting your studies is very much like my cutting the cloth. The superior person studies to establish a reputation and gain wide knowledge. He is calm and poised and tries to do no wrong. If you do not study now, you will surely end up as a menial servant and will never be free from troubles. It would be just like a woman who supports herself by weaving to give it up. How long could such a person depend on her husband and son to stave off hunger? If a woman neglects her work or a man gives up the cultivation of his character, they may end up as common thieves if not slaves!” Shaken, from then on Mencius studied hard from morning to night. He studied the philosophy of the master and eventually became a famous Confucian scholar. Superior men observed that Mencius’s mother understood the way of motherhood. The Book of Songs says, “That admirable lady, what will she tell them!” After Mencius was married, one day as he was going into his private quarters, he encountered his wife not fully dressed. Displeased, Mencius stopped going into his wife’s room. She then went to his mother, begged to be sent home, and said, “I have heard that the etiquette between a man and a woman does not apply in their private room. But lately I have been too casual, and when my husband saw me improperly dressed, he was displeased. He is treating me like a stranger. It is not right for a woman to live as a guest; therefore, please send me back to my parents.” Mencius’s mother called him to her and said, “It is polite to inquire before you enter a room. You should make some loud noise to warn anyone inside, and as you enter, you should keep your eyes low so that you will not embarrass anyone. Now, you have not behaved properly, yet you are quick to blame others for their impropriety. Isn’t that going a little too far?” Mencius apologized and took back his wife. Superior men said that his mother understood the way to be a mother-in-law. When Mencius was living in Qi, he was feeling very depressed. His mother saw this and asked him, “Why are you looking so low?”
“It’s nothing,” he replied. On another occasion when Mencius was not working, he leaned against the door and sighed. His mother saw him and said, “The other day I saw that you were troubled, but you answered that it was nothing. But why are you leaning against the door sighing?” Mencius answered, “I have heard that the superior man judges his capabilities and then accepts a position. He neither seeks illicit gains nor covets glory or high salary. If the dukes and princes do not listen to his advice, then he does not talk to them. If they listen to him but do not use his ideas, then he no longer frequents their courts. Today my ideas are not being used in Qi, so I wish to go somewhere else. But I am worried because you are getting too old to travel about the country.” His mother answered, “A woman’s duties are to cook the five grains, heat the wine, look after her parents-in-law, make clothes, and that is all! Therefore, she cultivates the skills required in the women’s quarters and has no ambition to manage affairs outside of the house. The Book of Changes says, ‘In her central place, she attends to the preparation of the food.’ The Book of Songs says, ‘It will be theirs neither to do wrong nor to do good, / Only about the spirits and the food will they have to think.’ This means that a woman’s duty is not to control or to take charge. Instead she must follow the ‘three submissions.’ When she is young, she must submit to her parents. After her marriage, she must submit to her husband. When she is widowed, she must submit to her son. These are the rules of propriety. Now you are an adult and I am old; therefore, whether you go depends on what you consider right, whether I follow depends on the rules of propriety.”
Superior men observed that Mencius’s mother knew the proper course for women. The Book of Songs says, “Serenely she looks and smiles, / Without any impatience she delivers her instructions.” Translated by Nancy Gibbs
LETTER FROM FENG YAN TO HIS BROTHER-IN-LAW
Man is a creature of emotion. Yet it is according to reason that husband and wife are joined together or put asunder. According to the rules of propriety which have been set down by the sage, a gentleman should have both a primary wife and concubines as well. Even men from poor and humble families long to possess concubines. I am old and approaching the end of my life, but I have
never had a concubine. I will carry regret for this into my grave. My wife is jealous and has destroyed the Way of a good family. Yet this mother of five children is still in my house. For the past five years her conduct has become worse and worse day after day. She sees white as black and wrong as right. I never err in the slightest, yet she lies about me and nags me without end. It is like falling among bandits on the road, for I constantly encounter unpredictable disasters through this woman. Those who slander us good officials seem to have no regard for the deleterious effects this has on the welfare of the country. Likewise, those who indulge their jealousy seem to have no concern for the unjust strain this puts on other people’s lives. Since antiquity it has always been considered a great disaster to have one’s household be dominated by a woman. Now this disaster has befallen me. If I eat too much or too little or if I drink too much or too little, she jumps all over me like the tyrant Xia Jie. If I play some affectionate joke on her, she will gossip about it to everyone. She glowers with her eyes and clenches her fists tightly in anger over things which are purely the product of her imagination. I feel a severe pang in my heart, as though something is poisoning my five viscera. Anxiety cuts so deeply that I can hardly bear to on living. My rage is so great that I often forget the calamities I might cause. When she is at home, she is always lounging in bed. After she gave birth to my principal heir, she refused to have any more children. We have no female servants at our home who can do the work of weaving clothes and rugs. Our family is of modest means and we cannot afford a man-servant, so I have to work myself like a humble commoner. My old friends see my situation and feel very sorry for me, but this woman has not the slightest twinge of sympathy or pity. Wu Da, you have seen our one and only female servant. She has no hairpins or hair ornaments. She has no make-up for her face, looks haggard, and is in bad shape. My wife does not extend the slightest pity to her, nor does she try to understand her. The woman flies into a rage, jumps around, and yells at her. Her screaming is so shrill that even a sugar peddler’s concubine would be ashamed to behave in such a manner. I should have sent this woman back long ago, but I was concerned by the fact that the children were still young and that there was no one else to do the work in our house. I feared that my children, Jiang and Bao, would end up doing servants’ work. Therefore I retained her. But worry and anxiety plunge like a dagger into my heart and cause me great pain. The woman is always screaming
fiercely. One can hardly bear to listen to it. Since the servant was so mistreated, within half a year her body was covered with scabs and scars. Ever since the servant became ill, my daughter Jiang has had to hull the grain and do the cooking, and my son Bao has had to do all sorts of dirty work. Watching my children struggle under such labor gives me distress. Food and clothing are scattered all over the house. Winter clothes which have become frayed are not patched. Even though the rest of us are very careful to be neat, she turns the house into a mess. She does not have the manner of a good wife, nor does she possess the virtue of a good mother. I despise her overbearing aggressiveness, and I hate to see our home turned into a sty.
She relies on the power of Magistrate Zheng to get what she wants. She is always threatening people, and her barbs are numerous. It seems as if she carries a sword and lance to the door. Never will she make a concession, and it feels as if there were a hundred bows around our house. How can we ever return to a happy family life? When the respectable members of our family try to reason with her, she flings insults at them and makes sharp retorts. She never regrets her scandalous behavior and never allows her heart to be moved. I realize that I have placed myself in a difficult position, and so I have started to plan ahead. I write you this letter lest I be remiss in keeping you informed of what is happening. I believe that I have just cause, and I am not afraid of criticism. Unless I send this wife back, my family will have no peace. Unless I send this wife back, my house will never be clean. Unless I send this wife back, good fortune will not come to my family. Unless I send this wife back, I will never again get anything accomplished. I hate myself for not having made this decision while I was still young. The decision is now made, but I am old, humiliated, and poor. I hate myself for having allowed this ulcer to grow and spread its poison. I brought a great deal of trouble on myself. Having suffered total ruin as a result of this family catastrophe, I am abandoning the gentry life to live as a recluse. I will sever relationships with my friends and give up my career as an official. I will stay at home all the time and concentrate on working my land to supply myself with food and clothing. How can I think of success and fame? Translated by Lily Hwa
BAN ZHAO’S ADMONITIONS FOR WOMEN
Humility
In ancient times, on the third day after a girl was born, people placed her at the base of the bed, gave her a pot shard to play with, and made a sacrifice to announce her birth. She was put below the bed to show that she was lowly and weak and should concentrate on humbling herself before others. Playing with a shard showed that she should get accustomed to hard work and concentrate on being diligent. Announcing her birth to the ancestors showed that she should focus on continuing the sacrifices. These three customs convey the unchanging path for women and the ritual traditions. Humility means yielding and acting respectful, putting others first and oneself last, never mentioning one’s own good deeds or denying one’s own faults, enduring insults and bearing with mistreatment, all with due trepidation. Industriousness means going to bed late, getting up early, never shirking work morning or night, never refusing to take on domestic work, and completing everything that needs to be done neatly and carefully. Continuing the sacrifices means serving one’s husband-master with appropriate demeanor, keeping oneself clean and pure, never joking or laughing, and preparing pure wine and food to offer to the ancestors. There has never been a woman who had these three traits and yet ruined her reputation or fell into disgrace. If a woman loses these three traits, she will have no name to preserve and will not be able to avoid shame.
Devotion
According to the rites, a man is obligated to take a second wife but nothing is written about a woman marrying twice. Hence the saying, “A husband is one’s Heaven: one cannot flee Heaven; one cannot leave a husband.” Heaven punishes those whose actions offend the spirits; a husband looks down on a wife who violates the rites and proprieties. Thus the Model for Women says, “To please one man is her goal; to displease one man ends her goal.” It follows from this that a woman must seek her husband’s love—not through such means as flattery, flirting, or false intimacy, but rather through devotion.
Devotion and proper demeanor entail propriety and purity, hearing nothing licentious, seeing nothing depraved, doing nothing likely to draw notice when outside the home; never neglecting one’s appearance when at home; never gathering in groups or watching at the doorway. By contrast, those incapable of devotion and proper demeanor are careless in their actions, look at and listen to
whatever they like, let their hair get messy when at home, put on an act of delicacy when away, speak of things they should not mention, and watch what they should not see. Translated by Patricia Ebrey